Stephen Derrick MEd/ UKCP registered psychotherapist
I see anger as a reaction.
If acted out anger can cause harm through acts of aggression which may be physical or verbal.
Alternatively if anger is internalised one can experience great suffering.
For example if we were abused or experienced other trauma as a child it may have been dangerous or impossible to express our hurt. Subsequently we may bury our feelings of anger.
In this case anger is trapped it can feel like a kind of indigestion which can be experienced in our thoughts, feelings and behaviour.
There are some unhelpful beliefs about anger, such as; “I can’t control my anger” “If I’m angry others will be afraid of me and I can be in control” “By losing my temper I can let my anger out and others will learn. I’ll show them”
As your counsellor I would want to help you understand your anger and its causes by exploring its history, its effect on your mood, thoughts and subsequent behaviour which could have a profound impact on how you are in the world, how you are received by others and ultimately the often resultant negative impact of anger.
We can react to the behaviour of people or to events. As indicated painful memories from the past can be stored and acted out in the present. Maybe someone or something upset us in the now and instead of experiencing its impact as 4 out of 10 it gets a full blown 10!!
In your counselling I will provide a space we can look at your beliefs and experience of anger. I will support you by in helping you to both understand the cause of your anger to overcome its negative impact.
From this place of a greater awareness we can explore you developing ways of responding rather than reacting, such as learning to relax, developing communication skills and learning potential problem solving approaches.
It seems to me that we tend to suffer more with our anger than the person or persons who we are angry with. To act out or to internalise offers little resolution.
As your therapist I will provide a space in which you can talk about your feelings of anger and where you will be heard with compassionate respect, as you unburden yourself of your hurt.
Hopefully and over time you can come to a place of peaceful healing within which you will feel more settled and at one with yourself.